I’m Just Here for Your Entertainment

Do you ever have one of those moments when you realize you’re doing something completely stupid? Like, if anyone else could see what you were doing at this moment, that person’s perception of your intelligence would plummet. I had one of these moments last week, standing in front of a UPS drop box, desperately rattling its locked door, and wishing I’d made a few different choices over the past 20 minutes.

I just wanted to return something I had ordered online. As is sometimes the case, the two dresses I looooved on bluefly.com did not quite love me back when I had the chance to try them on. So, back they were going. The kind folks from Bluefly enable these returns by letting customers print their own UPS return labels. As long as you can get your return package into the hands of a UPS delivery person, you can sit back, relax, and expect a full refund in about 10 business days. Voila!

This whole process becomes a bit more complicated, however, when there are no UPS stores nearby, as seems to be the case for downtown Madison. To make things even more inconvenient, UPS won’t schedule a pickup unless you’re using a UPS account to pay for the shipment. Strike two. So I was left with one option: the drop box.

Once I schlepped the package all the way to the nearest drop box, I stood there, a bit skeptical that the package would fit in door. It fit–barely–but I had to push kind of hard to get it to close. Okay, fine, I had to squish the box down a little bit and force the door shut. And then…nothing happened. The box was there in the compartment, not falling neatly into the holding cell below. Oh well, I thought. Worth a shot. I decided just to take the package back home and worry about it later.

Except the door wouldn’t open because I’d wedged the box inside. Terrific.

Since the box was clearly not coming home with me, I thought I should at least try to get it to drop down to where it belonged. So I grabbed the door handle and gave it a shake. Nothing. I shook again. The box didn’t budge, but I heard a distinctive click. Not only was the package pretty well stuck inside, the door had locked.

So, there I was. Grasping the door handle, rattling it loudly in my ever-growing panic, realizing there was absolutely nothing I could do about this. And, of course, looking really, really stupid. I finally walked away, abandoning my package in the deposit compartment where it sat, locked away, preventing anyone else from dropping off a package for pickup that day.

I walked out, trying not to look too shifty as I scurried away, and realized I would have no way of knowing whether or not my package had been retrieved for days. And then I realized that I was expecting a delivery the very next day…from UPS. If I were the type of person with qualities like forethought, I could have waited one more day and safely handed the return package to my friendly UPS delivery person. Instead, I avoided eye contact out of embarrassment when the UPS guy did come, and I spent the next three days compulsively checking my email for notification that the return had been processed.

Don’t worry–the notification email finally arrived. Order has been restored in my world and my ego bruise has almost completely healed. You know, until the next moment of stupidity. Stay tuned.


About mbdevilbiss

Until 2009, I never really thought much about Wisconsin. When I did, it was usually in the context of silent pep talks I'd give myself as I walked from the Metro station to my downtown D.C. office on blustery January mornings. "This isn't so bad," I'd tell myself. "Just imagine if you were in...Wisconsin!" *shiver* It wouldn't make me any warmer, but I could finish the 12-minute walk secure in the knowledge that I lived so, so far away from Canada. And then, one Saturday in early June, I went to a cookout and met a boy. He was wonderful and he was also moving to Madison, WI, to begin a PhD program in August. After a year of emails, phone calls, and biweekly visits, we shoved the last of my belongings into a jam-packed moving truck and headed west. As of October 9, 2010, I was an Accidental Wisconsonite. I'm no Sconnie, and I'll never be able to claim that prestigious status, but I'm loving life here so far. My blog is a place for writing about this life, and I hope you enjoy my Midwestern adventure as much as I have been.
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2 Responses to I’m Just Here for Your Entertainment

  1. Christina says:

    Hellooo. Robert Moses beach shop, summer 2005.

  2. mbdevilbiss says:

    Hahahahaha – I almost just snarfed my coffee!

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