Side Effects May Include Vomiting…

My parents may remember things differently, but I don’t think I would have been classified as a “difficult” child growing up. I never had a cavity, never broke a bone. When I was bored, I probably whined about it, but then I’d go occupy myself by rearranging my Crayolas in rainbow order or lining up my stuffed animals according to size or taxonomy or something totally normal like that. I even remember an older kid describing me to his mother as “well trained” one time. In short, I’ve always been this much of a bad ass.

But then I’d get sick.

I’d get strep again or I’d get another ear infection, and then would come the dreaded bottle of medicine. I’m sure I had my not-so-charming moments on normal days, but crack a new bottle of any liquid remedy and you might as well go ahead and call the exorcist. One whiff of that syrupy, antiseptic, vomitocious sludge and I would launch into an episode of histrionics so terrifying that my poor, horrified parents could do nothing but pour the hateful stuff down my throat and run for their lives. I vividly remember standing in the hallway of our house when I was five-years-old, wailing and tearing at my clothes at the prospect of having to swallow a dose of Dimetapp. “Great Grape Taste” my ass. My mother, bless her heart, somehow snuck it down my gullet, and I freaked out to such extremes that I yakked that medicine up all over the floor. Needless to say, for the benefit of all mankind, I learned to take pills very soon after this episode.

With the exception of a few doses of barely palatable Pepto-Bismol, I don’t think I’ve taken liquid medicine in 23 years. You can imagine my horror, then, when Kurt went in the bathroom to take some NyQuil the other day and came out smelling of cherry-flavored hell. I didn’t even consider he’d be taking LIQUID NyQuil, especially when they make those lovely, tasteless (giant) gel caps that glisten like jewels of healthiness in your hand. With that one whiff, I was flooded with memories of epic hissy fits, Triaminic-laced strawberry jelly (what am I, a puppy who won’t take her heartworm pills?), and that feeling you get when you eat something so disgusting your head starts shaking involuntarily. Apparently 23 years is not long enough to heal these wounds.

The good news: There were only two doses of cherry NyQuil left! And I didn’t hurl on him after either one!

The bad news: We replaced it with Walmart brand liquid nighttime cold-and-flu relief, which is flavored like…licorice.

I may die.


About mbdevilbiss

Until 2009, I never really thought much about Wisconsin. When I did, it was usually in the context of silent pep talks I'd give myself as I walked from the Metro station to my downtown D.C. office on blustery January mornings. "This isn't so bad," I'd tell myself. "Just imagine if you were in...Wisconsin!" *shiver* It wouldn't make me any warmer, but I could finish the 12-minute walk secure in the knowledge that I lived so, so far away from Canada. And then, one Saturday in early June, I went to a cookout and met a boy. He was wonderful and he was also moving to Madison, WI, to begin a PhD program in August. After a year of emails, phone calls, and biweekly visits, we shoved the last of my belongings into a jam-packed moving truck and headed west. As of October 9, 2010, I was an Accidental Wisconsonite. I'm no Sconnie, and I'll never be able to claim that prestigious status, but I'm loving life here so far. My blog is a place for writing about this life, and I hope you enjoy my Midwestern adventure as much as I have been.
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One Response to Side Effects May Include Vomiting…

  1. Brigette says:

    Geoff takes liquid cold medicine too. What is wrong with these boys?!? Luckily, I am the one who makes shopping lists so now I can specify what to get… and I haven’t seen liquid medicine since my Denver days. And I think I’m right up there with you at 23 years without a dose myself. Nothing makes me vomit faster!

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